I-G-G-Y | Drunk!England x Reader

“HEY (NAME)! LET’S DO SOME KARAOKE!” Alfred yelled, literally blowing out your eardrum.

“OW, DAMMIT!” You clapped a hand over your ear and glared at one of your best friends. “I know it’s loud in here, but you don’t have to scream, for fuck’s sake!”

Alfred just grinned and grabbed your hand. “C’mon, (Nickname), it’ll be fun~!”

“Karaoke? With you? Hell no!” You pulled your arm out of his grip, choosing instead to look past the clumps of partying countries and into the kitchen, where Lovino, Mathias, and Arthur were getting drunk off their arses. You sighed. “Why is it when you host a party at Arthur’s house, you always make sure to put out enough wine for Arthur to get bloody drunk off of?”  

Alfred adjusted his glasses and shrugged. “I don’t know what you’re talking about,” he said innocently. But you could see his lips twitch as he tried not to smile.

“Alfred, what happens if he goes after some innocent girl while he’s intoxicated!?” You crossed your legs and took a sip of your own wine while glowering at the American over the edge of your glass.

“Pfffft, there’s no one here he’d want to go after except for you—our mom!” He laughed nervously and looked away.

“Um….I’m going to choose not to take offense at that, considering I’m a country and the only parental figure I’ve ever had is Feliciano’s grandfather.” You glanced back over at the kitchen and saw that Arthur was gone. “Shit, Alfred, he’s missing! What if Francis went after him and they’re having sex in the guest bedroom!?”

Alfred rolled his eyes. “Chill, (Name). You know that Francis isn’t gay, even if he does make all those jokes. I’m sure Arthur’d rather have you than Francis, anyway.” He winked.

“Whatever,” you scoffed, but you couldn’t ignore the way your heart sped up.

Alfred looked back over at the huge-ass stereo that he brought over to Arthur’s house and was reminded of why he came to you in the first place. “(Name), please do some karaoke with me? PLEASE!?”

“Dammit, Al, I said—!”

“BLOODY HELL ALFRED! YOUR STEREO IS STRANGLING ME!”

“—What?” You turned to look over at the music system and nearly spit out your wine from laughter. Arthur was tangled up in the black, grey, and white cords that were powering the stereo and plugging it into the wall. You started to smile as he attempted to move, then promptly fell over, due to the wires wrapped around his feet. Standing, you set your wineglass down on the coffee table and walked over to where Arthur was struggling, trying to stifle your giggles. “Arthur, why are you messing around with Alfred’s stereo?”

“I *hic* was only trying to *hic* find the bathroom!” he whined, face flushed from the several pints of alcohol he must have consumed. “But these bloody snakes *hic* attacked me!” He stopped struggling and gazed up at you with puppy dog eyes. “Will you help me up, (Name)?” His emerald irises sparkled with tears.

When’d he learn to beg like that? you thought absently as you extended your arms out to him. Slipping a hand beneath each of his own arms, you sighed and shook your head as you lifted him out of the mess of cables. “Arthur Kirkland, what am I going to do with you?”

“I can think of a few things~” he whispered suddenly, causing you to nearly drop him.

“Wh-What!?” Your face erupted into a fierce blush as you set him on his feet.

“I said, I can think of a few things I’d like for you to do with me, love~” he repeated, smirking. His slur had faded, although his accent was heavy, and he was no longer hiccuping.

You backed up a pace and muttered, “You’re drunk, Art. Say that to me when you’re sober, and I’ll think about it.”

Arthur opened his mouth to say something, but was interrupted by Antonio, who had gotten up on the fireplace and was now announcing, “Amigos! Gilbert, Francis, Alfred, and I have decided that we’re doing karaoke next! So everyone start lining up to sign up to sing! Oh, and (Name), chica?”

You froze in your attempt to sneak out the backdoor. “Ah….yes, Antonio?”

“You have to stick around!”

“Why me?!” you squeaked, “I have to get home! I….I’ve got a ton of paperwork to do, a-and I’m not sure—”

“NO EXCUSES!” Gilbert roared, and picked you up by the waist and threw you over his shoulder. He charged over to one of Arthur’s comfy armchairs and pushed you down into it, then snapped his fingers at Francis. “Rope.”

“WHY THE HELL DO YOU HAVE—!?”

Gilbert ignored you and started to tie you to the chair once Francis had handed over the rope. “There,” he said, looking satisfied. “Now you can’t escape.”

“Gilbert Beilschmidt, so help me Holy Rome—”

“Aw, c’mon dudette! It’ll be fun! Just stick around to watch!” Alfred pleaded, staring at you with big baby-blue eyes.

You tried to resist, but you couldn’t fight those teary eyes. “Fuck it, fine! Al, the next time you do that, I’m going to—”

“GREAT!” Alfred dashed away into the crowd, and you rolled your (e/c) eyes.

“Short attention span as always.” Sighing, you played with a lock of your (h/l) (h/c) hair as your gaze wandered the length of the room. Seeing nothing of interest, you relaxed against the chair and closed your eyes.





“She fell asleep!” Gilbert nudged Francis.

“Just according to plan!” Francis ran to get Alfred. “Hey! Alfred! Belle fell asleep! Now what?”

Alfred grinned. “Now Arthur sings to her! I made sure to get him really fucking drunk, so he’ll agree to anything!” He disappeared into the library, where Arthur seemed to be roaming around in, searching for fairies. He returned a few minutes later with Arthur thrown over his shoulder, who was straining against Alfred’s grip weakly.

“L-Let go of me, git! Unhand me at once!”

“No can do, Arthur! You’re gonna sing for (Name)! When she hears your voice, she’ll fall madly in love with you!”  

Arthur stopped moving. “‘Madly in love’, you say? Do you really think so?”

“Oh, I know so,” Alfred said, smirking.

“BRILLIANT!” Arthur shouted, then smacked Alfred upside the head. “PUT ME DOWN, YOU TOSSER! I’VE THINGS TO DO IF I’M GOING TO BLOODY SING!”

Alfred threw Arthur down and rubbed his head, complaining. “Ow! What the hell, Iggy?!”

“Shhhh!” Arthur put a hand to his ear. “What’s that, Tinkerbell? You think I should sing about being fancy? THAT’S PERFECT!” he roared, “EVERYONE KNOWS I’M FANCY AS FUCK!” He dashed toward the bathroom and called over his shoulder, “I’ll be getting ready for my performance! I can’t sing in this thing!” He gestured to his current attire (a button-up white shirt, a black vest, a black tie, and black pants) before slamming the bathroom door shut.

Alfred stared after him in slight shock, not really knowing what to make of that. Finally, he turned to Francis and asked, “What the hell happens to his head when he gets drunk?”

Francis shrugged. “Mon ami, the world may never know.”





“Pssst, (Name)!”

“Wh-What!?” you grumbled, swatting the person’s hand away. “I’m tired! Let me sleep, dammit!”

“Arthur’s onstage and he’s naked.”

“WH-WHAT!?” Your eyes shot open and you stared at the person (Alfred) in disbelief. “W-Well get him down, then!” You felt you face heating up, and scowled when Alfred smirked at you.

“Well, what I said was half-true,” he chuckled. “Arthur’s not naked, but he is up by my stereo.”

You groaned. “He’s going to make an absolute fool of himself again! Please tell me he’s not going to sing!”

“Well—”

“Let’s hear it for Arthur, who’s up next for karaoke!” Antonio announced, cutting Alfred off.

You groaned again. “Well, I hope he doesn’t remember this when he’s sober again.”

Alfred grinned. “I do.”

You opened your mouth to reply, but Arthur’s voice was suddenly drowning everything else out when he declared, “I’m going to be singing Fancy by Iggy Azalea, AND EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOU WANKERS HERE IS GOING TO BLOODY LIKE IT! This is dedicated to my very good friend, (Name) (Surname)!” He waved at you wildly, and you tried to duck your head and hide, then realized you were tied to one of Arthur’s living room chairs.

“Shit! Alfred, untie me! He’s going to embarrass me again!”

“Nope! You’re gonna have to sit through this one, (Name)!”

“I will kill you as soon as I am untied,” you promised through clenched teeth.

Alfred nodded absently. “Uh-huh. I’m sure you will. Now watch, ’cause I think this is going to be fucking hilarious.”

“You think? Oh, I know this is going to be fucking hilarious.”

“Then why are you threatening to kill me?”

“Because I’m worried this is gonna end up on the Internet. Or one of America’s many news networks. I’m sure your country never passes up a chance to publicly humiliate the personification of England and get him in trouble with the Queen at the same time.”

Alfred looked slightly guilty. “Okay, okay….if I swear this won’t end up online, will you not kill me?”

“….Fine.”

“Cool! Now watch!”

Begrudgingly, you turned your gaze on Arthur, mentally preparing yourself for whatever he was about to do. And you nearly fell off your chair when you saw Arthur, and then you almost choked when you heard the song come on. “He really is going to sing Fancy!? In that?! Why is he wearing that pirate getup!?”

Alfred didn’t answer, he was too busy rolling on the floor and busting his gut laughing.

You flinched as Arthur started to sing,






“He fucking made up his own version!? Arthur, what the hell?!” You shouted, although you regretted it when the man’s focus went to you. You immediately strained against the ropes that bound you to the chair as Arthur sauntered over to you. Only at one of America’s parties would I ever be tied to a damn chair, you thought absently as you fought the rope. You gulped when Arthur came to a stop in front of you, a sexy smirk playing at his lips. He leaned forward and ran a hand down the side of your face, grabbing your chin suddenly. His lips were unbearably close to yours as he sang,






Your (e/c) eyes widened at the “eyebrows” line and you couldn’t help but snicker, which made Arthur frown. He straightened up, releasing your chin, and stomped over to Francis, who was holding a glass of expensive wine. He ripped it out of the Frenchman’s grip and guzzled it, then chucked it to the side, where it shattered against a wall. Scowling at the blonde, he hissed,






At the mention of guns, Arthur reached into the pocket of his pirate outfit’s red overcoat and whipped out a real pistol. He aimed it at Francis with his right hand and closed one emerald eye, then flipped Francis off with his left and growled,






before pressing down on the trigger. Francis yelped and ducked as the gun released a bullet, followed by several others, as Arthur fired it several more times. The Brit laughed hysterically and swept off his Captain’s hat, taking a bow as he continued the song.






He placed the hat back atop his head and pointed at Kiku when he sang the word “Tokyo” then snapped his fingers as he mentioned the scone, and said pastry appeared in his hand. He strutted back over to you and shoved it into your mouth. You, who had certainly not been expecting that, choked and sprayed crumbs all over. Arthur chuckled and began the next verse, plopping himself down on the arm of your chair as he did so.






He suddenly shot to his feet and jabbed a finger in Francis’ direction again as he gestured to his own silky, punk-styled locks. You couldn’t help but think, His hair is pretty damn amazing….maybe it is better than Francis’! You subconsciously reached out a hand to stroke it, and missed the grin on Arthur’s face when you did so.  






Arthur seized your hand that was currently buried in his golden locks and nuzzled it against his face. You could feel the grin on his face when you hand brushed up against his mouth, and you blushed. Feeling awkward, you tried to remove your hand from his grip, but he was too strong. Arthur suddenly snapped his fingers and the ropes disappeared, then he picked you up by the waist and reversed your positions, so he was now sitting in the chair and you were in his lap.






Arthur nipped at your earlobe as the song progressed to the more suggestive part. He smirked against your skin and murmured,






His grip on you tightened when he said that, as if you were the thing he wanted. As he sang, the fingers of his left hand drifted to your hips while his right crept into his pocket. He whipped out his magic wand and pointed it at Gilbert. He gave it a small flick, and Gilbert stiffened before striking a ballet pose. You giggled, and Arthur smiled devilishly as the Prussian was forced to dance. Soon, Francis, Antonio, and Alfred joined him as Arthur turned his wand on each man.






Arthur suddenly dropped his wand and wrapped his arms around your waist. You blushed wildly, then squeaked as he pushed you down to the floor. He slammed both hands down on either side of your head and leaned in far too close, licking his lips sexily. He chuckled softly when you gulped.






Arthur grabbed one of your hands and placed it around his neck. Then he did the same with the other, and you got the hint. You entwined them and played with the golden hair at the base of his neck, marveling at the soft silkiness of the strands. Arthur’s smile widened and he leaned even closer, lips barely brushing yours as he sang,






You blushed harder at Arthur’s words and actions. His lips moved from your mouth to your jawline, then to your neck and collarbone. He sucked on the skin there, then bit at it gently. You barely contained your moans, and Arthur raised an eyebrow. His emerald eyes sparkled mischievously at you and he bit down on a particularly sensitive spot. A small mewl made its way past your lips and he smirked as he whispered,






You were left blinking as Arthur suddenly sprang up and pointed his pistol at Alfred, who was currently trying to squash his embarrassment at being magically forced to do pirouettes. He let out a cry of shock when Arthur shot at him with the gun, and Alfred dove to the side, avoiding the deadly wave of shots.






Arthur sashayed back over to you and helped you to your feet. He waved his hand and his clothes transformed from his old pirate attire to a punk-styled outfit from his gothic phase. He picked you up bridal-style and smirked before heading toward the grand staircase.






The music started to fade away as you and the Brit neared the top of the stairs. Arthur finally met your lips with his own as you reached the second floor and started down the the hallway toward his bedroom.






Arthur sang the last line, then grinned as he slammed the door to his bedroom. The click of the lock was heard all the way downstairs, where everyone was frozen in shock.






Arthur sat up, groaning loudly as the light temporarily blinded him. “Urrghgh….why won’t the light just shut up!? What the bloody hell happened last night…!?”

“So….you don't remember?”

At the sound of a voice, Arthur started and whipped his head in the direction of it. His emerald eyes widened when they landed on a girl he knew very well and had actually fancied for a while now.

“A-Ah, (Name), love….what are you doing in my bed?”

“Let’s just put it this way, Arthur….” She winked. “You got drunk last night.”

Arthur groaned and fell back against the mound of pillows. “Fuck.”

(Name) grinned suggestively. “Exactly.”






Alfred fell to the floor, cracking up once again as he watched the video he had posted on YouTube last night. “HAHAHAHAHA!”

“I know I said I’d kill you if you uploaded it Al, but I take it back! It’s too damn funny!” You choked out over your giggles.

“One million views!? How in the name of Earl Grey tea is that remotely possible when he uploaded this last night!?” Arthur buried his face in his hands. “Mum’s going to kill me!”

Alfred pounded his fist on the floor. “Yeah, she is! Elizabeth just commented a couple minutes ago! HAHAHAHAHA!” He calmed down after a moment or two and added, “You should check the feedback; maybe you’ll find her. It’s the one with like fifty thousand likes on it.”

Arthur scrolled down and his eyes scanned the page before his face turned white as a ghost. You stifled your giggles and placed a hand on your new boyfriend’s back. You rubbed soothingly and kissed his cheek before saying, “Hey, it’s okay, Arthur…. You’ll always be fancy as fuck to me.”

You and Alfred both dissolved into another round of obnoxious laughter while Arthur turned a very deep shade of ruby red.

“Oh, just shut the bloody hell up!”